ada yang lain?

entah.....
namun semua tak seperti biasanya, "ada yang lain?"
selalu muncul banyak tanya dalam benakku, namun apa yang aku dapat?
selalu jawaban semu yang aku dapat, aku tak pernah tahu pasti apa yang terjadi.
hingga suatu pagi, aku merasa ada sesuatu yang kian terasa nyata, ada jarak diantara kita, ada tembok besar yang membatasi kita, namun aku tak begitu yakin itu nyata.
entah apa yang menjadi pembatas diantara kita, entah apa yang menjadi tembok besar diantar kita.
awalnya aku sungguh tak ingin membahasnya dengan mu, apalagi jika harus mempermasalahkannya dengan mu, aku selalu bertingkah seolah olah tak terjadi apapun, seolah olah aku tak merasakan apapun, seolah olah aku tak peka, seolah olah aku patung, seolah olah aku tak punya perasaan, seolah olah aku bodoh, aku tolol, aku dungu!!! aku lakukan semuanya bukan karena aku tak peduli dengan keadaan dan dengan perasaanku sendiri, aku selalu mengorbankan perasaanku sendiri hanya untuk menghargaimu, menghargai hubungan kita! namun pernahkah kamu menghargai apa yang aku lakukan? apa yang aku korbankan selama ini? entahlah~~

my tinkerbell

you can take everything I have
you can break everything I am 
like I am made of glass 
like I am made of paper!
everything you do, everytime you hurt me Iloveit 
no one else can chance you

setiap luka, setiap air mata, setiap kekecewaanku terhadapmu selalu berlalu begitu saja
layaknya dedaunan yang tak mampu melawan angin, mereka hanya mampu mengikuti kemana arah angin membawa mereka walau terkadang keinginan daun tak sejalan dengan angin, jika mereka melawan arah angin maka mereka hanya terhempas jatuh berguguran! sama seperti aku yang selalu mengabaikan keinginanku, mengalah pada perasaan yang kian hari kian dalam kurasakan tanpa peduli sakitnya mengagumimu, tanpa aku tahu apa untuk siapa hatimu, tanpa aku tahu sampai kapan aku bertahan dan tanpa aku tahu pula sejauh mana kau bisa menghargai perasaanku. entah...
aku hanya bisa mengikutimu tanpa aku tahu apa yang akan terjadi dikemudian hari, 

back to December

I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family.
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.
Because the last time you saw me
Is still burned in the back of your mind.
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride,
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night,"
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping,
Staying up, playing back myself leavin'.
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall.

And then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind
You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye".

So this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile,
So good to me, so right
And how you held me in your arms that September night --
The first time you ever saw me cry.

Maybe this is wishful thinking,
Probably mindless dreaming,
But if we loved again, I swear I'd love you right.

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.
So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride
Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night."
And I go back to December
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I go back to December all the time.
All the time